As always, Khush and Harry were enjoying omelettes and coffee after a game of tennis. Khush was reading the Times of India, his favourite newspaper. A particular article caught his attention and he excitedly thrust the newspaper in Harry’s direction.

Khush: Hey look! Someone has actually written an article relating to the scene you created in a five-star hotel in Delhi some time ago. That must have spread like wildfire.

Harry: About the toilets, you mean. Thank God someone has had the guts to write about it. I gave my secretary a firing for messing up. I don’t care about being booked in a 4-star hotel or 5-star, but I must have a jet spray after I take a crap. This one didn’t. Most of the big hotel chains don’t.

Khush looked amused as he kept reading more.

Khush: It sure is a well-written article. Has this writer heard you talk? He mentions the issue exactly the way you describe it. According to him, toilet paper doesn’t clean fully. It leaves traces which can cause infection. Also, toilet paper can damage the skin which is particularly sensitive down there. The Indian way of using water to clean up is best.

Harry: We Indians are much more hygienic than the rest of the world in our toilet habits.And all of us face this problem in star hotels.

Khush: What do you do when you’re stuck in a 5-star abroad?

Harry: I manage somehow in the ones that have a bidet. But the one in Delhi did not even have that, so I lost my cool.

Khush: So what do you do in such situations?

Harry: You want to know the gory details, don’t you? Well, I plan it well by keeping two wet tissues ready, so that I don’t have to get up from the seat.

Khush: I see! What should we Indians do to educate the world?

Harry: Firstly, it’s high time we stopped aping the West blindly. And the world must be educated about the ill-effects of using toilet paper. Hygiene apart, imagine the damage to the environment caused by cutting millions of trees every year for toilet paper! Not to mention the millions of tonnes of waste generated every year – this can easily be avoided by using water instead.

Khush: Indeed!

Harry: How many people know that we Indians of the Indus Valley Civilisation (Mohenjo-Daro) were the first to invent a flush toilet 5000 years ago?

Khush: Wow! That’s great. Then why are we so backward?

Harry: Because we’re lazy, not the industrious sort. We’re just arty, not crafty like the West. I must give credit to the Americans for the work culture they have developed. We lack that attitude.